Why are you here again?

Special girl, unfortunately it's an integrity thing. You may think i play games, or that i still have hope. But i assure you i don't - and no matter what will happen, it won't change anything for me, do you get it? Not the fact, that i will have to watch, to live alone, to fight my mother, to be born a hundred years too early or late. I don't care if it's impossible, cause it's not the possibility that matters, it is always just you. And i picked. To me you are perfect. You are perfect from the top of your silly nose till the last cell of your pinky. I am so sorry, but this is just what i am, and i know what i am, since i know you. This decision is all of what encapsulates me and i don't care if you or anybody doesn't understand it, or calling me a dreamer, I just cannot choose not to love you with all what my heart gives me to, and i cannot choose against my morals, my sanity and myself. And i will never hate you.

Edit on the 26.01:
Now that i read it again, it sounds kinda cheesy and cringy. But as it is basically what i mean, i'm gonna stand up to that little mistake and leave it like it is.