Nostalgia Vielleicht Blues

Nostalgia

Suspended in nostalgia

I find your name hanging in my memories

I fill myself up with your gaze

Oh what a maze you've put me in

I spy with my little eye

Your wide eyes that take me time traveling

It feels like, swimming, swimming with my eyes closed

Nose to nose, you just, you just fucking know

Oh, remind me of your name again

As you take me on that train again

Back to the pavements that we walked, and walked

Oh, the drugs that made us talk and talk

And I'd take you dancing, I'd take you round and round

I'll lead you to the hilltops - and I take you on the ground

I may be daydreaming, but I'll be wondering what it's like

To be under your skin

'Til I get in

Until you let me out

Until you see my insides

Until you're inside out, I'll

Lick my wounds, feels like I've had them since the womb

Sing myself a tune, fall back and swoon

And I'll take you dancing, I'll take you round and round

I'll lead you to the hilltops - and I take you on the ground

I may be daydreaming

Oh what a feeling

Daydreaming about you

Vielleicht vielleicht

Es ist so leicht ehrlich zu dir zu sein

Es ist so einfach, wenn ich sage, „nein“

Oder: „Ich bin noch nicht so weit“

Du gibst mir Zeit

Und du bist süß

Wie du aussiehst, wenn du genießt

Dass es im Winter endlich schneit

Du magst jede Jahreszeit

Und morgens muss ich lächeln

Weil mich deine Küsse wecken

Und dann merk ich, es ist leicht

Weil dir so wenig reicht

Du gibst mir Zeit

Und dann denk ich, dass es vielleicht, vielleicht

Für immer so bleibt

Und dann denk ich, dass es vielleicht, vielleicht

Für immer so bleibt

Ja, es ist leicht, leicht, leicht, leicht

Ja, es ist leicht, leicht, leicht, leicht

Es ist so schön

Dir zuzusehen

Wenn du duschen gehst

Und dann vor mir stehst

Und sagst, es wird ein langer Tag

Und wenn du mich dann fragst

Was wir heut Abend machen

Und wir zwischen Küssen lachen

Dann merk ich, es ist leicht

Weil dir so wenig reicht

Du gibst mir Zeit

Und dann denk ich, dass es vielleicht, vielleicht

Für immer so bleibt

Und dann denk ich, dass es vielleicht, vielleicht

Für immer so bleibt

Ja, es ist leicht, leicht, leicht, leicht

Ja, es ist leicht, leicht, leicht, leicht

Weil du siehst was ich sonst niemandem zeige

Ich kann dir erzählen was ich mir selbst verschweige

Und ich will, dass es für immer so bleibt

Und ich glaube, das geht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Und ich will, dass es für immer so bleibt

Und ich glaube, das geht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Vielleicht, vielleicht

Berlin Blues Song

It ruffled up my feathers

And it barked on up my tree 

When suddenly it seemed all the fingers 

Were pointing on up at me 

And the footsteps in the sand 

Were all getting washed up by the sea 

To leave me in stitches Bursting at the seams 

Bursting at the seams 

When the sun came out to greet me

I only saw the wolves from my dreams 

This is my Berlin Blues song 

Sometimes life can get a little rough 

But it won't be long 

Cause it just makes me strong 

And there is a place where we one day will delve 

Where there's no more walking on eggshells 

Where ideas are for free, oh it's the place to be 

Your great mind's no longer the minority 

And I'll see you there with your hands in the air 

Where the canvas is bare 

And there's no more despair 

And your third eye will stare 

Nothing can compare 

There's not one care 

And I'll see you there

I'll see you there 

I'll see you there 

I'll see you there 

And I'll see you there

Epiloge

And you never lost your head,

even when you were giving head.

If you tell me that you are not here,

I'll follow the trail of your tears

Now i understand,

what you tried to say to me,

how you suffered for your sanity

Why are you here again?

Special girl, unfortunately it's an integrity thing. You may think i play games, or that i still have hope. But i assure you i don't - and no matter what will happen, it won't change anything for me, do you get it? Not the fact, that i will have to watch, to live alone, to fight my mother, to be born a hundred years too early or late. I don't care if it's impossible, cause it's not the possibility that matters, it is always just you. And i picked. To me you are perfect. You are perfect from the top of your silly nose till the last cell of your pinky. I am so sorry, but this is just what i am, and i know what i am, since i know you. This decision is all of what encapsulates me and i don't care if you or anybody doesn't understand it, or calling me a dreamer, I just cannot choose not to love you with all what my heart gives me to, and i cannot choose against my morals, my sanity and myself. And i will never hate you.

Edit on the 26.01:
Now that i read it again, it sounds kinda cheesy and cringy. But as it is basically what i mean, i'm gonna stand up to that little mistake and leave it like it is.

One Corner Away // Getting out of the Bedsheets

It's in Berlin at the Wall Park.

Baby Sister

Baby Sister, won't you spare a little time,
I know you've still been working from eleven till nine.
Flippin' nickles, flippin' quarters and dimes.
Don't wanna hear it...
Putting price tags on your spirit.

Baby Sister, you're gonna end up getting hurt,
No one's getting heartache from the wrinkles on your shirt.
Oh yeah yeah you're gonna get hurt.

Baby Sister, what time will you be walking in,
Spent the days with whiskey and bottles of gin.
Oh yeah yeah i know where i've been.

You've got your reasons,
They're changing with the seasons.
I know it's hard to keep it straight.
But i could argue that it's harder for the one who has to wait.

Don't wanna hear it, puttin' price tags on your spirit.
Baby Sister, you're gonna end up getting hurt,
I know it's gettin' harder from the wrinkles on your shirt.
Oh yeah yeah you're gonna get hurt.
Baby Sister.

For The Damaged

Maybe again
He will be alone
Guess we're equally damaged
Find your name
Do it all the same equally
Signal when you can't breathe no more

Say you were me
Then you could see the view
You'll know we are equally damaged
Don't be a fool, make it easier
You'll learn to say when
Signal if you can't say, "no more"

Don't cross your finger
Sundays will never change
They keep on coming
You'll be a freak
And I'll keep you company.

The Spring of Night

My Beauty,
your eyes are so dark that in the evening
when I lay my head in your lap
it seems to me
that your deep eyes are the spring
from where the night mysteriously flows over the valleys
the mountains and plains
covering the earth
in a sea of darkness.
So dark are your eyes,
my light.

Letters

                                                                       Him to Her, excerpts 1933, July 7, Munich
[...] I stepped down, trying not to look long at you, as if you were the sun, yet i saw you, like the sun, even without looking [...] Each time you happen to me all over again [...]

                                                                      Her to Him, excerpts 1933, July 10, Munich
[...] I like myself better when I’m with you [...]

                                                                      Him to Her, excerpts 1933, July 12, Munich
[...] You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. [...]

                                                                      Her to Him, excerpts 1933, July 19, Munich
[...] I wish i fed upon your face by day and night [...] And you with true kind eyes always look back on me, fair as the moon and joyful as the light. [...] We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows opens and the stars bright. [...]


                                                                      Him to Her, excerpts 1933, July 20, Munich
[...] Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. [...] If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. [...]

                                                                     Her to Him, excerpts 1933, July 21, Munich
[...] It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; - it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. [...]

                                                                     Him to Her, excerpts 1933, July 22, Munich
[...] I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough [...]

                                                     Her to a friend of hers, excerpts 1933, July 30, Munich
[...] Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. [...]

                                                                    Her to Him, excerpts 1933, August 3, Munich
[...] Soul meets soul on lovers' lips [...]

                                                                    Him to Her, excerpts 1933, August 5, Munich
[...] I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed [...]

                                                    Him to a friend of his, excerpts 1933, August 5, Munich
[...] By my soul, I can neither eat, drink, nor sleep; nor, what's still worse, love any woman in the world but her [...]

                                               Her mother to Her aunt, excerpts 1933, August 20, Munich
[...] Their love's like a red, red rose, that's newly sprung in June.[...] It is that happy stretch of time when the lovers set to chronicling their passion. When no glance, no tone of voice is so fleeting but it shines with significance. When each moment, each perception is brought out with care, unfolded like a precious gem from its layers of the softest tissue paper and laid in front of the beloved - turned this way and that, examined, considered. [...] Her love is entire as a child's, and though warm as summer it is fresh as spring [...]

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1933, September 21, Munich
[...] ....the way my body exists only where you touch me... the rest of me is smoke. [...]

                                                            Him to Her, excerpts 1933, September 29, Munich
[...] My hungry heart passes through a bittersweet pain. Tell me how far do you want to go? [...]

                                                                 Her to Him, excerpts 1933, Oktober 6, Munich
[...] Your sweet as sugar, red mouth, sucks all the words perfectly round. Even in the fight your lips do not surrender mine. On your glowing hot cheeks I burn my fingers. Even when you throw me to the ground, I see myself as the winner. Just what is with my will, making my will spineless! Your eyes look through me and can't perceive. When your hands touch me, they follow a plan. With your rough angels tongue, you pierce into me. [...]


                                                            Him to Her, excerpts 1934, February 29, Stuttgart
[...] Good or at least good enough I want to be for you , Without a word, because words are deceit, the opposite of good is unfortunately often well-intentioned, And my insecurity is exactly what it seems.. For my melancholy becomes light, my stubbornness also gives up in your presence. Your glory and blessing keeps happiness and mystery until you're mine. Homemade monsters line the path in the labyrinth of our future, in which we are trapped, Flood of fear and anger, I am but flesh and blood.
And if not good, then good enough for you. Build me a castle of solitude, dream yourself up, be amazed and keep silent, float, fall free until I rest in your safety. It doesn't take much to tell you all that matters to me is you. For my melancholy becomes light, my stubbornness also gives up in your presence. Looking into your world, exchanged two meaningful smiles, imagine what I like, intoxicated myself with the idea that I am calm. It doesn't take much to tell you all that matters to me is you. [...]

                                                                     Her to Him, excerpts 1938, March 5, Munich
[...] You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught. [...]

                                                                      Him to Her, excerpts 1938, June 28, Munich
[...] Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say [...]


                                                     Him to his father, excerpts 1943, September 3, Munich
[...] She is a mortal danger to all men. She is beautiful without knowing it, and possesses charms that she's not even aware of. She is like a trap set by nature - a sweet perfumed rose in whose petals Cupid lurks in ambush! Anyone who has seen her smile has known perfection. She instills grace in every common thing and divinity in every careless gesture. Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as my Lady when she strides through Munich [...] All this gladness in life, all honest pride in doing my work in the world, all this keen sense of being, I owe to her! And it doubles the gladness, it makes the pride glow, it sharpens the sense of existence till I hardly know if it is pain or pleasure, to think that I owe it to one - now, you must, you shall hear - stepping forwards with stern determination - to one whom I love, as I do not believe man ever loved woman before. [...]

                                                           Him to Her, excerpts 1943, September 17, Cologne
[...] It has made me better loving you ... it has made me wiser, and easier, and brighter. I used to want a great many things before, and to be angry that I did not have them. Theoretically, I was satisfied. I flattered myself that I had limited my wants. But I was subject to irritation; I used to have morbid sterile hateful fits of hunger, of desire. Now I really am satisfied, because I can’t think of anything better [...]   


                                          His fathers response, excerpts 1943, September 20, Frankfurt
[...] Oh the heart that has truly loved never forgets [...] To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life [...] I loved your mother against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. [...] Our hearts already bleed. Never loose hope! If you keep it up, that's what's gonna bring you back to us.

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1943, November 25, Munich
[...] You are my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest. [...] You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.

                                                        Him to Her, excerpts 1943, December 24, Normandy
[...] I never told you. That the last two letters in your name are the first two in mine, a silly thing i never mentioned to you but caused me to believe that we were bound together [...]

                                                               Her to Him, excerpts 1944, January 31, Munich
[...] Why, darling, I don’t live at all when I’m not with you [...]

                                                         Him to Her, excerpts 1944, February 17, Normandy
[...] Always [...]

                                                                   Her to Him, excerpts 1944, March 4, Munich
[...] When I only wanted and was nothing, When I just stood there waiting, When in the cold I froze, When I couldn't find a word for you ... when I took the courage and spoke, When your proximity drew me, when it echoed in the ear, when I grew wings and I flew ... When I regained awareness, I saw when you reached after me, I was
Happy, if that state exists, When I was with you, I was in love [...]

                                                              Him to Her, excerpts 1944, March 31, Normandy
[...] And what about all that, we forget to say? What about all the beginning of sentences we never finished, left floating in the room? Anybody ever comes to pick them up? [...] Tonight and then the rest of our lives [...] And what about all the bedtime stories that sleepy ears keep on dreaming? [...] What are we going to miss out?
[...] Tonight and then the rest of our lives [...] And at some point long is long enough.And at some point I'll say, "Time flew by so fast." And what about anything we could and won't do? [...] Alone at the table as a former non-smoker and ask me
Mediomelomelanchodramatic. I'm gonna get inside me and when I get out
i am beside myself - And with you. [...]

                                                                    Her to Him, excerpts 1944, April 12, Munich
[...] I never gave you kisses. I stole them all from you. Off your lips. [...]

                                                                Him to Her, excerpts 1944, April 28, Normandy
[...] I never gave you any kisses, I received them all. On the mouth... [...]

                                                                      Her to Him, excerpts 1944, May 10, Munich
[...] Remember that summer, every daydream was rich of mosquito bits, it smelled like mud and grass, and with grass at the back of our knees, we spend every day at the lake, there's lemonade with wasps, And you and me and everyone got an ice, and even with wet hair it's still hot. And you were too beautiful to be truth. The sun warms our bellies and every now and then I hear a boat and through the closed eyelids it glows red. There's a rumble in the distance, small waves are making their way to the earthy beach and your shoulders on mine - mine is new land.  Don't think of the thunderstorm. And the days lasted for a long time, and we took the summer under the nails home. And I never want to believe again happiness is somehow different and somehow more than that with you. There. Then. [...]

                 Him in a little story he wrote while waiting, excerpts 1944, May 12, Normandy
“All hopes of eternity and all gain from the past he would have given to have her there, to be wrapped warm with him in one blanket, and sleep, only sleep. It seemed the sleep with the woman in his arms was the only necessity."

                                                                  Him to Her, excerpts 1944, May 23, Normandy
[...] Lying under such a myriad of stars. The sea’s black horizon. I rose and walked out and stood barefoot in the sand and watched the pale surf appear all down the shore and roll and crash and darken again. When i went back to the fire i knelt and imagined smoothing your hair as you sleep and i said to myself, if i were God i would have made the world just so and no different [...] If I were to live a thousand years, I would belong to you for all of them. If we were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one.[...]

                                                                       Her to Him, excerpts 1944, June 1, Munich
[...] I love you. Come back to me.

                                                                   Him to Her, excerpts 1944, June 5, Normandy
[...] Tomorrow is the day. [...] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one for me. Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, yes, I saw you were blind and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right, Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there. You touched my heart, you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals and love is blind and that I knew when. My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. I am a dreamer and when I wake this can't break our spirit, it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me. Remember us and all we used to be. I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I am the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine, we've had our doubts but now we're fine. And I love you, I swear that's true. I could not have lived without you.

                                                                  Her to Him, excerpts 1944, August 28, Munich
[...] Where are you? [...]

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1944, September 11, Munich
[...] Come back to me [...]

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1944, September 21, Munich
[...] Please [...]

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1944, September 23, Munich
[...] Please [...]

                                                            Her to Him, excerpts 1944, September 27, Munich
[...] Please [...]

                                                                  Her to Him, excerpts 1944, Oktober 1, Munich
[...] please [...]

                                                                Her to Him, excerpts 1951, Oktober 17, Munich
[...] Charlie grew so fast. He has your eyes. And your hands. [...] I miss you. [...]

                                                                   Her to Him, excerpts 1952, March 25, Munich
I say a word now and then, a rock falls on my heart. I throw it away and all roads go downhill. I smile and imagine you could see me. Friends ask how it goes, I'm saying it's gonna work. Because rarely, but sometimes, I still think about you. Rarely, but sometimes, I'll put a smile on my face. Rarely, but sometimes, I laugh when I'm out in the rain. Rarely, but mostly it hurts. Look back, paint me colorful pictures,
cheerful, relieve the pain, force me forward. Took every path away from you that presented itself, for stagnation is dead. Running through the day, through the beat again even though I'm bored with everything. sing and imagine if you could hear me.I can't mind in the world. Because rarely, but sometimes, I can still remember your songs. I guess sometimes when I don't say much, I fool myself. In fact, you are to me right where you've always been. Unreachable, apparently. Memories of moments with you, precious and rare, like diamonds of ice. Don't hold it too tight in my hand, because I know. They melt into tears, because I lack the cold. I never thought our days were numbered. How could I have held you? what was I supposed to tell you. If I met you right now, what would I want to ask you. Because rarely, but sometimes, I'm thinking of something. Rarely, but sometimes, I feel alone among a thousand people. Rarely, but sometimes, I want to scream, but don't let myself. You're gone, and for that, I don't hate you.